Grope you know ... visitors search for erogenous zones Picture: Wire Image By DAVE MASTERS April 18, 2007
COMMENT ON THIS STORY A SPANKOMETER, an orgasm tunnel and a giant wall of willies - roll up, roll up, for the world's first-ever 'sex theme park', opening today in London.
The adults-only Amora Academy of Sex and Relationships is an all-singing, all-dancing look at getting your leg over - and the rest.
It's not quite Disney with dildos, but more The Tate Modern on Viagra.
It's packed with state-of-the-art, interactive attractions, including a stripping masterclass, a voyeur's peep wall and a video display about the ins and outs of oral sex.
Couples romp on screens all around you, in all sorts of scenarios - in flats, in threes and in cars.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The average clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings - about twice as many as the penis
Don't worry about the noise, though - it's unlikely to be noticed above the real-life screaming orgasms coming from the AMORGASM tunnel down the hall.
It's a bit like walking through the shark tank at The London Aquarium. Well, sort of.
The deeper you go, the harder a heartbeat thumps out of the speakers, set off by hidden sensors.
TVs line the walls, showing all stages of sex with information and funny facts around them.
At its climax, a huge screen loops footage of the faces of men and women at the point of orgasm.
There's also tips on how to spot if your lover has been faking it, plus other facts to listen to on your "whispers" headsets.
Chances are, one of you has pretended at some point - a stat on the display reveals that over HALF of adults have.
Pick a position ... video wall shows selection Picture: Wire Image
The show's sex stars are real people who offered to make clips of themselves for inclusion in the show.
And clips of couples in action are everywhere. Another interactive game lets you pick a sexual position from a touch-screen list.
Click "Spooning" and two virtual people appear romping in that position.
Before you can blink, the pair morph into real-life people going hell for leather.
As well as nudity and bonking, Amora is also hard-wired with an educational edge - plus lots of humorous erotic art and snaps.
The final phase of your tour - which takes about an hour - deals with sexual health and has a digital STD game that will have you crossing your legs and moaning in disgust.
But according to Amora's director, Dr Sarah Brewer, it's an essential side of your visit.
"We want people to go away thinking wow - I've really learnt something," she told us.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- During orgasm, a female's nipples, thighs, pelvis, back, stomach and feet contract
"It's a celebration of sexuality - it's clean sex if you like. It's not sleazy or pornographic."
But isn't it just an excuse for some flesh flashing and a bit of titillation in the West End?
Dr Sarah doesn't think so. "Some of it is quite explicit - but it's as explicit as it needs to be.
"It's about sex as it is now and tomorrow. It's contemporary and exciting.
"I think it will be women who make the decision to come here - and bring along their partners and friends.
"If guys are embarrassed by this sort of thing, they're exactly the kind of guys that need to come here.
"Sex shouldn't be embarrassing. It's a very important part of human nature and if you get embarrassed about it, you can't explore and enjoy it properly."
AMORA in London's Piccadilly is open from today. Prices £12 (11am-5pm); £15 (5pm-midnight).
